Being a Warrior

It was warrior night in gym tonight (Subang's branch). I manage to see the last part of Unleashed X and throughout the last 2 tracks and the cool down they were doing. As I was driving home, I had Lord of the Rings and The Last Samurai came to my mind. I kept asking myself "What is a warrior?"

The dictionary define a warrior as a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, engaged or experienced in battle.

As I look back at my life; I remembered very clearly that 3 years ago someone speak about being a warrior, a princess, a daughter. She says that a warrior, princess and a daughter...

...smiles at the FUTURE,
Lives life MAGNIFICENTLY,
Executes JUSTICE on the earth,
and places VALUE upon humanity.

I think back and I remembered the time where I used to be a warrior. No matter it was in my job, my ministry, my friends, my family...I never failed to keep on pushing, prevailing till the end. Knowing that I suck at studying, I managed to get really good results every term in college. I never fail to get High Distinctions, Distinctions and Credits. No matter how many people critisize me for not being able to get HDs in some of my subjects, I ignore them and I tell myself that I will work harder. When work became tough and ministries became harder and harder each day, I prevail; I kept on pushing. When life becomes tough...when you do not have much money to survive on and you do not want to ask from your family because you know that it's tough enough for them to support you, you still do your very best to safe as much as you can and survive in an alien land.

I always believe that my life in Sydney for 2 years is to discover the warrior within me. I am train and equip so that I am prepared to come back to where I am today to battle; to fight for what I believe and to fight for what I was called to be. I believe I fought, I got hurt, I cried, I prevailed, I kept on pushing through. I even bought the warrior princess necklace that meant so much to me because it is a reminder to me that I am a warrior that is strong enough to go through anything; a warrior that will fight to the end. But at the end of the day...did I fail? I don't know. But one thing I know for sure is that I've lost the warrior spirit within me.

Lately, I've lost the determination to be a warrior. I've lost the motivation to keep on pushing through what I have in my hands; to fight to make it better. Am I tired? I don't know. What has happened to me? Where has the warrior within me gone? What happened to the warrior within me that used to fight and prevail through every circumstances and every situation. What has happen to her?

A warrior smiles at the FUTURE...but am I smiling at it? I feel that I am more confused rather than smiling at it and being all confident about it. I used to be confident and very sure about my future but now, uncertainties is all over my head now.

Will I be able to discover the warrior within me once again?
Do I qualify to wear my warrior princess necklace once again?
Will I ever discover her in me?
Will I?