I Miss Sydney

I had another sleepless night last night. I was practically tossing and turning and trying to force myself to sleep. I just couldn't and I have no idea why. I gave up at the end and started thinking about the conversation that Ben and I had. Living in Sydney for 2 years is the most amazing thing that could ever happen in my life. It was a dream coming true. I still remember how shattered I was when dad told me that I can't go. I felt my dream that was torn into million of pieces. But I thank Him for making it possible.

Lately, I have been thinking about Sydney. I miss the lifestyle where I am staying with my lovely housemates, being independent (not that I am not now; it's just different), beautiful people around me, going to the beach during my day off to lie under the sun, listening to the sound of the waves crashing the rocks and not thinking about anything. I miss going to Epping with my girlfriends for Bubble tea and have a good laugh about silly stuff. I miss cooking international cuisine (Korean the most!) to feed my lovely friends and you. They are always there for me. They are my source of encouragement, company, laughter and a shoulder to cry on.

My 1st year housemates.

I told Ben that there is one thing that I regret big time. I box myself in a place called my comfort zone. Not only did I box myself; I practically shut a lot of people out that still cares and loves me to this very day. There's a chinese saying that goes "people around you see things clearer than the person in that situation". I do believe that is true. A lot of people advice me but I was not willing to listen; he was my comfort zone. It seems like another dream coming true to find someone that you can trust, listen and be there for you during your most difficult and toughest time; when you are all by yourself in a foreign land. Even though we do have different opinions about things, about friends and people; I always give in because I was really afraid of losing this relationship (maybe it has?) especially when I leave. I learn to just suck up whatever attitude or temper that was thrown at me and get over it.

I still remember the time we had a huge fight and we decided to end this relationship. And there we were that very evening sitting at the front porch, the sound of the cool breeze fills the silence between us as we stop to think of a solution for our problems. You told me a lot of things and I still remember it to this very day. You said that you will still be here for me, and you will still be my listener when I needed someone; you said that things will be the same it's just that distance is between us. But, is that the reality? Am I being naive to believe that things will still be the same when I am back here in Malaysia where I belong? Do I even belong here? I feel silly at times to hold on to those promises?

I guess, I just have to leave these bitter-sweet memories behind and move on with my life. I do not want to be box up in comfort zone that I have been holding on to for the past 2 years. It's time to say goodbye to it. I need to learn to listen to what is in my heart and not what other people say or do. To my lovely friends that stood by me all these while even though I shut you guys out, I want to say I am sorry and thank you for never giving up on me; still constantly asking me out, encouraging me and be my shoulder to cry one when things just went wrong. I just wouldn't know what I would do without you guys.

Phil and Ben, miss you guys a lot my lovely Glenwood neighbours. Life isn't the same without you guys. Ben, I'll buy you cendol when you visit me next month. Phil, I miss all the deep conversation we have, you coming over catching all the roaches (hahaha) and allowing me to cook and feed you; giving me rides to Oakhill. Beautiful Catherine, I miss your encouragement;words that reminds me that I am an amazing, beautiful woman of God. I miss your hugs a lot! Shaun, I miss working with you even though you are one tough cookie. I miss the evil and sarcastic side of you especially in the game of RISK! Being your PA / apprentice is NOT easy. But I appreciate what you've taught me and constantly be there for me when I needed help in my job.

Shaun Rodrigues

Liza, I miss you heaps!! I miss the time we spent in 8 Kidman watching tv, cooking, manicure and pedicure, laughing, talking, snoozing away and also in Jireh (my 88, Toyota Camry station wagon! Yup! It's a classic!) for Bubble tea :D

Last but not least Auntie Kim and Uncle John. You guys are my inspiration. Thank you for believing in me, entrusting me in all the things that I do in Asian Ext. Thank you for being a role model to me; being a spiritual dad and mom to me that I've never had. Uncle John, I will always remember what you told me "in the midst of any obstacles or difficulties; keep that sweet spirit in you" and I have Uncle John! Through tough times, I never fail to smile! Auntie Kim, thank you for encouragement and giving me the opportunity to serve alongside with you.

Given to me by my angel :D

Leaving Sydney :(