I have been avoiding this issue for almost 5 months. I never want to talk about it because I am afraid. No matter what I am being told, what I should do; I wouldn't want to know because I am afraid to face it and especially to deal with it. I was supposed to go for a check up again a couple of weeks ago but due to some things that happened, I didn't go. I was afraid to go alone. As I look at myself in the mirror, I am not sure. Is it bigger or is it the same? Then during dinner, dad talk to me about it too. I avoided the issue. I do not want to be a burden to people around me. I do not want to burden mom to take care of me and worried about me when she is so busy taking care of Kenji. I do not want them to worry about me and to travel here and there to make sure I am alright. I also do not want to burden dad financially even though I know that my insurance will cover it all.
I have many thoughts in my head now. What if there's a mistake or an error during the process of solving this issue? What will happen to me then? Will I give more burden to my family? I know there are so many people out there are experiencing far more serious cases than mine. It made me realize that life is so fragile. We will never know how long we will live, when we will fall sick, when we will die. If we do not treasure the things and the people around us, we will definitely regret for the rest of our lives. I do not want to live in regrets.
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